Working With Referees as a Coach in Youth Recreational Soccer
Referees are a critical part of every match—and a common source of confusion and frustration for recreational coaches and parents. This guide explains when it is appropriate to speak with a referee, what concerns should be let go, how to raise safety or fairness issues responsibly, and how to manage sideline behavior so games stay focused on the players.
Most matches will have referees—usually one to three. Because there is a referee shortage in many areas, you may end up with only one center referee. In rare cases, there may be no referee at all.
You will encounter referees with a wide range of experience. Some are seasoned. Some are new and still learning. All are doing their best. They are not perfect. They are one person, with limited angles, limited information, and no ability to see everything at once.
Understanding how to interact with referees—what matters, what does not, and how to handle difficult moments—will make game day smoother for everyone.
This article covers:
- What issues to consider raising with the referee
- What issues to let go
- When and how to approach the referee
- What to say, how to say it, and what to do if nothing changes
- Sideline responsibilities and parent behavior
What Issues to Consider Talking to the Referee About
1. Safety concerns
Injuries happen in soccer. Injuries should not happen because play is unsafe.
If you witness play that you believe is unsafe—dangerous challenges, repeated late contact, or escalating physicality—you should address this with the referee. Player safety is always appropriate to raise.
2. Patterns of calls affecting the game outcome
A single missed call is part of the game. A pattern of calls can change the game.
For example, you may observe that handballs are consistently not being called against one team, or that one type of foul is being ignored in a way that creates an unfair advantage. Patterns—not isolated moments—are what warrant a conversation.
What Issues You Should Let Go Of
1. One-time mistakes or missed calls
Referees will miss things. It will happen. It is not personal, and it is not intentional. Addressing a single missed call will not lead to a meaningful change, because it is not something the referee can reasonably adjust. Let it go.
2. Patterns that are not affecting the match outcome
This is more debatable, but as a general rule, avoid raising patterns that are not materially impacting the game. If you believe there is an ongoing education or training issue, the appropriate next step is to contact your local club after the match. Clubs are better positioned to address referee development than sideline conversations during games.
When and How to Approach the Referee
1. Safety issues
Wait for the next natural stoppage (throw-in, goal kick, etc.). Raise your hand and respectfully request to speak with the referee.
2. Patterns affecting the game outcome
Whenever possible, wait until halftime or after the match. Do not raise these concerns during live play unless the imbalance is severe and immediate.
What to Say, How to Say It, and What to Do if It Does Not Go as Hoped
Safety issues
Approach the referee calmly and state only your safety concern. Be specific. Do not bring up calls, fairness, or anything else.
Referees take safety seriously. Most will acknowledge the concern and make a conscious effort to monitor the situation more closely. If play remains unsafe, it is reasonable to request another brief conversation—again, calmly. It is rare for safety concerns to reach that point, but as a coach, you do have a responsibility to continue advocating for your players’ safety.
Patterns of calls affecting the match
Approach the referee and clearly describe:
- The specific pattern you are seeing
- Why you believe it is affecting the match
State it once. The referee will respond. Regardless of the response, that conversation is over. The calls may change, or they may not. If they do not, your next step is not continued discussion during the game. Your next step is to contact your local club after the match and report the issue.
Be as specific as possible:
- What you observed
- When it occurred
- What you said to the referee
- What the response was
This allows the club to take appropriate next steps regarding referee education or training.
A Note About Advantage Calls
In soccer, referees are taught not to stop play for a foul if the fouled team has a clear scoring advantage. The idea is that the opportunity to score is more valuable than a free kick.
For example, your player is tripped—a foul—but the ball rolls to a teammate who now has a breakaway toward goal. You do not want the referee to stop play in that moment. You want the team to try to score.
When applying advantage, the referee will often call out “Advantage” to indicate they saw the foul but chose not to stop play because it would have eliminated a scoring opportunity.
Sideline Notes
Most parents on the sideline are supportive and appropriate.
One of the more uncomfortable responsibilities as a coach is addressing a parent—or group of parents—who are behaving inappropriately toward the referee. This includes:
- Foul or abusive language
- Shouting at the referee
- Constantly questioning calls
- Insults or personal attacks
None of this is acceptable. Conversations with the referee are for the coach only. Parents are not part of this process.
There have been documented instances of verbal and physical abuse toward referees at youth sporting events—not just in soccer. This is a serious and growing problem.
In most leagues, the coach is responsible for the sideline. That means you are expected to address inappropriate behavior when it occurs. This is not why you volunteered to coach recreational soccer—but it matters. The sooner abusive behavior is addressed, the less likely it is to escalate. Clubs and leagues will support you in this, as it is a widespread issue. Address it the first time it happens whenever possible.
Be aware that adults who believe cursing at referees is acceptable often do not respond well to being corrected or removed. However, there are almost always other parents who will support you. Look for that support, then address the behavior calmly, clearly, and humbly.